Blocked toilets and grumpy old men

After our first cruise on the Pacific Dawn, Mother Superior and I were keen to go on another. (Well, at least I was keen). I decided that a cruise from Fremantle would be a really good idea, so I booked us on a Sun Princess Treasures of Asia cruise. This is a 17 day cruise that takes most of its time getting you to and from the destination. The alternative was flying to Singapore and joining a five-day cruise from there. However, there was not much difference in price, and I figured that l would rather spend a few days in a cruise liner that a few hours cramped in a flying cigar box.

I was also hoping to meet some new friends. We met some nice people on the Pacific Dawn, but most of them came from Wollongong.

I am not sure whether I am jinxed because, as what happened shortly before we went on the Pacific Dawn, I developed a raging tooth ache – this time on the left side – that not even expensive endodontic treatment could resolve. Once again, I went on the cruise armed with antibiotics and pain killers.

The day of the cruise finally arrived. I had read all the reviews of the ship, and the main complaint seemed to be the paucity of laundry facilities, which had, in some cases, caused fist fights. Because we were not flying anywhere and had no weight restrictions, I thought we would bring enough clothes to not have to wash anything. We ended up with heavy suitcases.  Getting to the wharf meant dragging these cases down the road from our house to the bus stop, dragging them on and off the bus, changing trains in Perth, which meant dragging them over the horse-shoe bridge, and then dragging them the last few hundred metres from Fremantle station. Just before we got to the cruise terminal, I lost control of my case crossing a road in front of a big tourist bus and ended up with a bruised ego and a grazed ankle. By the time we got to the terminal we were exhausted and hungry. “Not to worry”, I said to Mother Superior between gasps, “we can check in and go and enjoy a nice buffet lunch on the ship”. Well, it was not to be. The scene at the terminal was utter chaos, with 2000 passengers vying to get onto the ship. I hasten to add that the Princess Cruises staff were not to blame. They were at the mercy of Customs and Immigration, and stupid passengers  who could not follow instructions. One does shudder to think what would happen if we had to abandon ship.

The upshot of it all was that we only got onto the ship three hours later – after it was meant to set sail. There was a kiosk selling food and drinks at the terminal, but I was determined to wait for the free stuff on the ship. As we finally got on, they were announcing that life jacket drill was to take place shortly. We were starving, so we went a grabbed a bite at the buffet before heading to our cabin to get our life-jackets.

Initially, our cabin was a shock. We had booked the cheapest (inside) cabin on the ship, so we were not expecting over much. However, it was tiny – barely bigger than the queen size bed in it. The shower and toilet were also minute. We comforted ourselves thinking that our box would only be used for sleeping.

The life-jacket drill for our muster area was presented by the band’s trombone player, and he took great pains to show us exactly how to hold our noses closed if we ever had to ‘step off the ship’ into the water. The captain’s very cultured English voice came over the tannoy where he welcomed us on board ‘the beautiful Sun Princess’ and told us all to behave ourselves. He mostly warned us about the vacuum toilet system and that only toilet paper should be flushed - otherwise they tended to block, with unpleasant consequences. I realised that a blocked toilet in our little box cabin would be very unpleasant indeed! I resolved that I would always do a test flush before doing anything of any magnitude in our toilet.

As soon as we got back to the cabin, I decided to test our toilet. I pushed the button and – nothing happened. I reflected that this was not a good start, and called our cabin steward. He came over looking a little agitated, and told us that the whole deck’s toilets were not working. I suppose he was thinking of all the shit he was going to have to clean out of unflushed toilets.

Anyway, we went to the top deck for the sailaway. The sun was setting as the big ship glided out of Fremantle harbour with a gentle nudge from the tug alongside. It was beautiful. Some people had even taken the trouble to wave us goodbye from the shore. We passed a large US aircraft carrier, George Washington, which was anchored offshore. There were multiple flashes from cameras of the personnel on the carrier as they took photos of our ship. I imagine they must have seen the same from us. The band played, and we were all  in a good mood as we danced together.

We went to the dining room the first evening wondering who our dining companions would be, and were sadly disappointed. We were seated at the same side of the table in anticipation of another couple arriving, but nobody did. Our waiter was this lovely polish girl with braces in her teeth. She was extremely helpful and extremely enthusiastic about the food – which was superb. Anyone would think she had cooked it herself. All around us groups of people around tables were introducing themselves and chatting happily. Mother Superior and I sat alone staring at the door. We eventually assumed that whoever was meant to be sitting with us were tired on the first night and had decided to dine at the buffet. The second and third nights, a couple from Mandurah sat with us after telling us they had asked to be moved because their original dining companions were too serious. They both regaled us with stories of how they just drank and drank during the cruise. They were in a balcony cabin, which was double the price of ours, and drinks on the ship are not cheap, so they were big spenders. He owned a boat hire business in Mandurah and, although they were about our ages, they hand not been together long – and they liked to party. I thought we were doing Ok with them, but we obviously also did not pass muster, and they asked to be moved from our table. After another two meals alone, I accosted the Matre’d and asked if we could be moved to a table with someone else. He asked if we wanted to sit with an elderly couple who had themselves requested to be moved from a table of rowdy women. They turned out to be a delightful couple, both retired academics. We really enjoyed our dinners with them from then onwards.

Anyway, back to the toilets.  After the initial problem, ours did work – but our joy was short-lived. The next morning, I got up to do my usual constitutional. Fortunately, I did a test flush first. The toilet bowl filled with water and stayed there. There is meant to be a bang and a huge shlurping noise as the vacuum sucks the waste into the very narrow pipes. This time I was left with a bowl of water and silence. How lucky for both of us and the steward that I did the test flush first.  I phoned the steward who told me he was at a meeting, and would come as soon as he could. I must say he did sound relieved when I told him I had only done a test flush. One can only image the horrors those poor people have to put up with – with so much food being available on the cruise.

I was really grumpy after not being able to have my morning sit-me-down. I muttered about how Princess Cruises could maintain their ships better until Mother Superior confessed to me that she had flushed a tissue down – and that had obviously caused the blockage. I was forced to use one of the public toilets, which I did not enjoy because I am not a public dumper.

Mother Superior decided that she would attend the line-dancing classes. I could not bring myself around to doing it, but it was fun watching. It was mainly women but, quite surprisingly, there were some male participants. Some of the women were hard-core line dancers who enjoyed showing off their skills to the novices. The good thing about Mother Superior getting involved, is that she met a very friendly lady from Mullaloo who introduced us to her family and friends. We formed a trivia team and did reasonably well at the trivia sessions. Anyway, Friendly Lady told Mother Superior that they too were in an inside box like ours, except they had their teenage daughter in there as well. Because of this, she liked to get up at 6.00 am to go to the gym that was at the stern on the top deck. She would run on a treadmill and watch the ship’s wake. Mother Superior thought that this was an excellent idea, so she set her alarm for 6.00 am every morning to go to the gym.  For the rest of cruise our routine was.

1. Mother Superior gets up at 6.00am, and takes the lift to the 24 hours buffet on the top deck.
2. She returns to our box with a cup of coffee and some Danish pastries for me.
3. She goes up to the gym to walk on a treadmill and enjoy the view.
4. I get up and go to a public toilet in the atrium to have my morning constitutional. I had lost confidence in our cabin toilet and, at that time, there were not too many people around.
5. I then do three brisk walking laps (one mile) on the Promenade deck overtaking many oldies shuffling along with or without frames. It could get quite frustrating to get caught behind a shuffler at the bow and stern because the access way was quite narrow there.
6. I meet Mother Superior in the buffet for breakfast.
7. When the weather warmed up, we would have a swim before the crowds descended on the pools.

Afterwards, Mother Superior went to her line dancing class, while I liked to attend Scholarship at Sea lectures in marine history. The lecturer was a very old man, who confided in us later that marine history was not his field. Nevertheless, his lectures were very interesting. I specially liked it when he told of his days as a boy being brought up in Phukett, which was one of the ship’s destinations. In his days, Patong beach was deserted, and only accessible on foot.

The ship stopped at Penang, Phukett, Lankawi, Kuala Lumpur and Singapore, before heading back to Geraldton and Fremantle. Unfortunately, you don’t get much time at each port, but it does give you an idea of how they are. We really enjoyed KL, and are thinking of going back there for a longer stay. Geraldton was a pleasant surprise, because the locals turned out to show everyone around.

After our initial hiccups, we really enjoyed the cruise. The food and entertainment were first class. It would have been nice to have been in a balcony cabin rather than our tiny, dark box, but they were double what we paid, and I would rather have two cruises in a box than one in a balcony cabin.

The Sun Princess is indeed a beautiful ship, and could be a hard act to follow.

Fortunately for us, we did not have drag our even heavier suitcases home because Muppet and Biggles were at the wharf to meet us. They took us home. Shortly afterwards Muti Man, Gifted One, Spiderman, Petal, Blossom and Dewdrop arrived. I think they missed us while we were away, and it was wonderful to have our family around us again.

Will we go on another cruise? Definitely – but Mother Superior says not for another two years, because we still have mortgage to pay. Ah well, I will just have to wait.